I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize