Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
