So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
