im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
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