i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Randomize