You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
