and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
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