I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
