she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
FUCK WHALES
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize