y did u give ur computer a hand job?
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
