Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
