I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
two words...techno handjob
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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