I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
