I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
