it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
