we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
