Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
