Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
