I cut my penus on the lid.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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