If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
