Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
i may or may not be watching the land before time
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
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