he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
