Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
