Small penises have feelings too.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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