Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
