He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
