if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
