everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Randomize
