i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize