I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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