Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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