She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
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