i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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