oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
