Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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