I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Randomize
