Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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