I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
