This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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