I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
