no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
third nipple confirmed
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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