she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Randomize
