My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
