I will die if light touches me.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
