they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Is it penis luge time yet?
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Randomize