Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
