I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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