I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Randomize
