Whod you bang
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Randomize
