I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
stop calling my apartment porn island.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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