Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
