Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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