so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I booty called her while she was in labor.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Randomize
