so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
