we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
