It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Randomize
