Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
i now understand why vodka
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Randomize
