His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
We have so much sex to catch up on
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
