I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
