STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
