Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
