That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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