Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize