This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
