What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
