all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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