I'm jealous of your bromance
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
