Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
