did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
