i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Everything about him screamed your future.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
