when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
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