She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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