I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
May the power of my ass compel you!!
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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