I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
