EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
