My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
you inspire me to be a worse person
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
