I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Randomize
