She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize