Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Randomize
