drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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