With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
