a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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