shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
