areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
