Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
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