sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
