just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
