While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
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