Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
