If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
