I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
