We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
not ubering you a puppy
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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