Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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